Monday, June 20, 2011

An update on my Happiness....

I just want to thank all of you guys that responded & gave encouraging words to me on my last post

My husband & I spoke about everything that I was feeling, we fought, we made up & agreed to go speak to our pastor the one that married us. Since Thursday we have been so much better.  We spoke for about 3 hrs straight after my best friend left the house. I told him everything that was bothering me, how I felt like he wanted to cheat on me, & how I was afraid of loosing him & getting a divorce.

He said that there is nothing in the world that would him want to leave me. Yes that we argue but what married couple doesn't. He loves me just the way I am even if I get on his nerves sometimes just like he gets on mine. He told me that the chic means nothing she is just a friend, I mean I knew about her but they never really talked until recently that they started talking almost everyday after a couple of years that is why I felt the way I did. He says, that he would be stupid to do anything to jeopardize our marriage because he will never find anyone like me.

Remember how he had changed the password to the phone, well I told him about that & he gave it to me, he understood my reasoning. I also told him about the msgs on Facebook & he apologizes for making me feel like he is hiding something but he really isn't because he erases everything he doesn't like to keep anything old.

I'll keep you guys updated but so far after this huge bump in the road for us we are past it & I just hope better things happen from now on between us.

Again, I'm so grateful to all of you for your encouraging words. You guys have no idea how much that meant for me.


Thursday, June 16, 2011

Not So Happy....

I don't even know how to start writing this but I am so confused with my marriage & how my husband has been acting lately. It breaks my heart to know that I'm not entirely happen at this  very moment in my marriage & with Angel. This past Saturday was our 1yr wedding anniversary but since he was at base this past weekend we went out to dinner on Sunday. All we did was talk about how I'm always fighting with him, that he never does anything for me to get mad, etc & etc. All it was him telling me how I have changed & if I don't change to how I was before we aren't going to last & how he doesn't want a failed marriage.

When he was telling me all of this all I wanted to do was just roll in to a ball & cry. I mean I know I have changed but so has he, people change in 5 yrs. I wish he was still this very affection guy like he was in the beginning & help me around the house. But like he says I'm the woman & he is not used to doing anything in the house because his mother used to do everything, so he expects me to do it too. I know that I have the wife role at home but for him to help me shouldn't be such a big deal  for us to get into an argument. I just feel like he is blaming me for all our problems & arguments, & I hate that because a marriage isn't just with one person it takes 2 people to have a marriage.

I also hate the fact that now he changed the password to his phone. Not that I want to check his phone or go through it but if he has nothing to hide why put a lock on it, I mean he gets mad everytime I ask him to use his phone for something. He used to be so sweet with me, called me beautiful everyday but now nothing, he calls her beautiful & texts to see how she is doing when he used to do that with me. When he used to get home from work he would give me the biggest hugs or when I used to get home he would drop everything he was doing to greet me. I'm lucky if I even get a kiss and a hi now.

I know that I shouldn't be going through his Facebook but I have already found a few messages btwn him & this other chic that he used to talk to all the time with from Pennsylvania. He says he meet her on line & has never meet her face to face but I don't know what to think anymore. I mean he talks to her all the time, her baby's father doesn't even know about my husband. So they keep it a secret from us that they talk because he erases all their messages & texts when I sit next to him he covers his phone so I won't see what he is doing or talking to. He was never like that before but like I say things are different.

I never thought that our relationship would come to this but I just want to cry & can't because I'm at work but it hurts to know or think that he is cheating or has thought of cheating. I don't want to think that he is unhappy with me & regrets marrying me at all, but I don't want to think that he wants to leave me......

I'm sorry this got so long but I had to get it off my chest.  

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Happy 1 Year Anniversary to Us!!!

As you can tell from my title yesterday was my 1 yr Wedding Anniversary & on Monday it was our 5 yr anniversary. I can't believe that this year has gone by so quick. 

I have been so blessed to have such a wonderful caring husband. I couldn't have asked for anyone better, he is truly my best friend, my soul-mate, & my one & only. I'm sure that my father had something to do with him & I seeing each other that night in the Walgreens parking lot....hehehehe. He spoke to the big man upstairs to send me a great man to take care of me & he did his job.

Unfortunately, we are not going to spend it together because the good ole, Marine Corps decided he had to go train THIS weekend. But he said he is going to make it up to me so I hope that I'm getting a good taste of  how our future is going to be while he is in the USMC, even though we couldn't celebrate together this anniversary, I wouldn't trade my life for anything in the world & hopefully we get to celebrate many many more anniversaries together. 



Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Sorry for being MIA

As some of you know my cousin Johanna Paniagua past on May 25th, 2011. If you didn't read my previous posts you can read here and here. I flew out to California on Wednesday morning, the rest of my family from Maryland flew out on  Thursday. We were all together to support my family, we weren't there for vacation but it was one of the greatest times I have ever had with my family.

The funeral was on Friday (06/03/11), it was a beautiful ceremony, viewing, & funeral.

Then in the night we went to The Walk of Fame in Hollywood to do the things that she liked to do, so we went to The Hard Rock Cafe & took so shots in in her name. After that we all back to the house we were staying at to hangout with my cousin Johnny (her lil bro) plus other friends & I ordered pizza for everyone.

On Saturday we went to our 2nd cousin Sandra's house, then to Jo's friend Amy's house & to Hollywood again with some of the parents.

I left Sunday morning & arrived at LaGuardia Airport in NY, my husband picked us up & took us home, it was such a long trip but so worth it.

Sorry this got so long but I just wanted to update all you guys. Please keep our family in your prayers because we are all going to need it.