Saturday, January 22, 2011

So Scared.....

As I sit here listening to the music on my playlist that reminds me of my husband I get more & more scared thinking of him leaving to Afghan in just a few months. As I type this tears run down my face just thinking of all the what if's in my head. 

He is actually at drill this weekend, so I have just had a really bummy day. It's almost 1530 (3:30PM) & I haven't done anything or ate anything but chips & dip that I made. I just don't want to do anything but have him here with me forever. I know that I'm a strong woman & can handle it but there are those weak moments that take over you, your body, your head, your soul, & everything hurts. I don't want him to go half way across the world but I know he has to it's his job but I'm scared to death. I'm afraid to get pregnant & have to do everything without him. Even though I know there are a lot of wonderful military wives/fiances/gfs how have done it or are doing it at this moment but it still scares me. 

I hate that he won't be here to celebrate our 1st year Wedding Anniversary. I know what I signed up for when I said I do on the altar in front of God, our family, & friends. This military lifestyle is hard but I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. 



  1. This is beautifully written, and the music playing on the page makes it such an emotional post. Everything will be okay, keep our head up and stay positive. Enjoy your time with him now and know that he is coming back home to you. <3

  2. I've been through deployment before and try not to dwell on him leaving so much. Just enjoy the months you have left and worry about the "what ifs" when the time comes. If you sit here and worry and cry the whole time before he leaves, you will regret not enjoying the time with him. That's what I did before mine left and I'm glad I enjoyed the moments with him. We only had a two week notice before he left so just enjoy and try not to worry about anything at this point. :)

  3. Girl keep your head up.

    Before my Fiance left, I would always turn the web cam on my lap top, and I would just let it stand there, and record us just talking, and laughing, maybe you should do that, so when your feeling down you can go back on that.

    I'm here if you ever want to talk. =)

  4. From reading your blog I can tell you are a very strong woman to have overcome all that has happened in your life. Try and make the best of the situation. Deployments are rough, but all you can do is take it one day at a time.

  5. <3 You are going to be so good at all deployment has in store, and I know it. You are such a strong woman, and this is what your Mr. has been craving. It was so evident the day I met him, that he is excited to get to serve. Just stay close to as many military wives as you can. I imagine it is much tougher living in Jersey in the reserves, because you don't have all the women on base who are going through the same thing, but I know you can do it. Just make sure you have your Skype account, and get Skype mobile on your phone if you can. It's awesome, because they can call from their skype to your phone for free, if you have skype on your phone.